I know I know, I said I would do vlog style in order to make posts more frequently. I have tried to get the last 2 videos to post with zero success. Go figure. LOL did we expect anything more. Nope.
So, as we come to the end of the year, I feel like it’s necessary to make a reflection post.
Thinking about 2020 is difficult. This has really been a hard year to reflect on. Last December I bought a planner. Not just any planner. A deluxe edition Law of Attraction planner. And I have to say, when I sat down and wrote out all of the amazing things I wanted to manifest… this wasn’t it guys! We veered in a totally different direction. (So much so that I feel a little traumatized and haven’t bought one for 2021 in case I jinx it.) Can we all hit the face palm emoji because that’s what’s happening in real life as I type.
I don’t want to ignore all the difficulties of the year because Lord knows we’ve had them. But at the same time, there’s really no need to go into all the ways this year disappointed because we are all familiar with that. I want to focus on some of the good that came from 2020. If all of my time spent reading and studying manifestation has taught me anything, it’s about dwelling on the positive and being in a place to receive good things. Gratitude needs to be the main focus today.
If I’m being honest, this year has been one of change and love. Both of which I had no idea I’d be focusing on. It was no where in my journal in January. I did have plans of moving at some point this year and knew some change was coming, but I never would have predicted how much.
This change sparked growth, albeit some growing pains happened along the way. If change doesn’t spark some type of growth then we are probably doing it wrong. I did struggle quiet a bit between mental health, new situations and the hormone issues, but I didn’t have nearly the year that others talk about. And for that I have to be grateful.
I kept my job and steady income, a roof over my head and food on my table. There was never a moment that I worried about how I would make that happen. I’ve been in that situation. For years. Just recently found my way out of it so I know that emotion when I read on social media what others were experiencing. It made my heart hurt for them. Even in all of my whining and depression I could see that there were people living the exact same life I was not all that long ago. And isn’t it only right to reflect on that and be grateful for what I have as well as the ability to help in ways others helped me in the past. Yes.
The shutdowns sped up the moving process and merging two families into one. It was easier in some ways and harder in others. I think everyone goes through a shift and finding their place and routines. Add in 3 kids, a pandemic, stuck in a house together for months and the unknown financially, physically and emotionally and we could have had a train wreck. Lets be honest lol. But it wasn’t. Far from it. Opening my heart to an expansion of love has been pretty incredible. It was muddled by some of the other stressors in life, but it has been an amazing journey to land in a home with your best friend and settle into the rest of your life.
I don’t think I would have taken the time to slow down like I did at the beginning of the year if it hadn’t been forced. A way to get to know myself, my partner, the kids. All of it. Being “stuck” wasn’t really all that bad. It forged connections that might not have happened as quickly otherwise.
I watched people around me trying to take the time for growth and work on themselves. Self reflection in the best possible way.
I envisioned this blog and found the fire to be creative again. Here as well as making the jewelry. I just had my first jewelry event and did so much better than I’d done in the past while selling jewelry for an MLM. It feels like all of those growing pains are making sense and coming together in a way to make me better. To really get to the bottom of who I am and what I want. Which has always been my ultimate goal. This grand journey to discover who I am without the trauma, hurt and emotional and verbal muzzle I put on myself to “make everyone’s life easier”. Who is Nikki and what is she going to bring into the world to make it a little brighter.
And despite all the negative 2020 has brought, it managed to bring me a few steps closer to who I am.