It was 1 year and 9 months ago that I wrote the blog post about weight loss struggles and learning to love your body. Where I really opened up and got vulnerable with my issues of self-image, struggles with yo-yo dieting and eating disorders. And to be honest, I really thought I would make changes after that post.
That was May of 2020. When the pandemic was still fresh, and we were all in the mindset of personal growth, “you” time, self-reflection and we will be out of this soon.
2 years later and the aftershocks are still hitting from “the year we do not talk about” and honestly the time of growth turned into a stressful and extremely exhaustive mental health crisis. Not just for me, but for many. I ended up emotionally eating the last half of 2020 and most of 2021, you know that COVID weight we all gained. And kinda gave up on the idea of having to focus on health or weight in general. It all just seemed too draining to think about much less put into action.
So here I am… really trying hard to like who I see in the mirror, but just can’t quite get there. Stuck in the same rut. Knowing what I should do to change, but zero follow through. Or starting the day off strong and then eating an entire row of Oreos.
This is not about a number anymore. It’s about putting on an outfit and feeling confident when I go out. It’s about not hiding from the camera because I don’t want to see how the picture turns out. It’s about feeling good in my skin. It’s about feeling good in general. Not out of breath walking to the mailbox. Or be put on cholesterol meds (that make you feel terrible by the way) when you have the ability to put in the work. It’s getting the skinny jeans (that I’m never giving up) zipped and buttoned without doing the jump and wiggle.
Like I said in the previous weight loss post, this is all a mental game. And if I can conquer the mental block then it’s just a feeling of sheer determination. I know this because I’ve done it before. I know what that snap in the mind feels like when I stop procrastinating and get down to business. That surge of determination until I see those first results and then find the momentum.
So, this is us going on the journey together and documenting the hurdles along the way. A journey to overlook the number on a scale and attain confidence in my skin. To look in the mirror and smile because I’ve found myself underneath all the worry.
Who better to hold someone accountable than the good ol interweb. You know?! Just throw the vulnerability out there for all to read. I am human and I struggle. I struggle with my physical health and my mental health. All of which plays a role into the excess weight I’m carrying. What I plan to shed.
The reality is that my body fat percentage is just too high for me to feel good or live a long, strong life. I am just now finding my happiness in life and don’t need the restrictions I have now. Don’t want to be on all the medications I’m on now. Changes need to be made and it’s time to buckle down and get them done.
I encourage body positivity. It’s a concept I’m still working on myself. Be happy with who you are now, in the skin you have now, while working toward where you want to be. If that place is right where you are and you are happy and healthy then you do you boo! Carry on and love yourself! Love your body! You should never change your body because society tells you to. I think changes should stem from a medical need or your own personal want or a combination of both, which is where I land.
I don’t want to do “before and after”. It implies I’m not me right now and have to reach a certain goal before I can become myself. I think I am just me. Always. No matter my weight. I’ve been up and down in weight and those “versions” of me are all still me. Collectively as a whole. What I will do is post progress and updates. If that includes weight loss then so be it, but mostly focusing on how I feel. In all aspects of life.
That’s the ultimate goal. Learning to love your body.