So this…. Weight Loss Struggles and Self Image post got me recently. The link to this blog post showed up on Facebook memories. Pretty much calling me out on my health and wellness journey. Reminding me of the procrastination I had over the last 2 years. Screaming at me all the ways I’d failed to follow through. And reminding me of the common thread when it comes to getting healthy… The motivation I feel early on always diminishes and it’s the follow through that I never really got a handle on.
That blog post 2 years ago was meant to be a vulnerability post and something that I knew so many struggled with and I wanted you to know that you weren’t alone. Because inevitably, we always do at some point. Everyone has moments of feeling like they are walking this path alone. And we aren’t JUST talking about wellness here. We are talking about those moments in life where you feel like no one can relate to you. Even when you know in the back of your head, it’s not completely true. It’s why I found it important to speak it. Say what I was going through because maybe, in this instance, someone else could feel a partner in their own walk.
BUT this post had a secondary purpose as well. It was also supposed to hold me accountable. Accountable to myself and to you guys. Accountability because I knew I needed it. I know who I am. I’m extremely self aware and I recognize my faults. One of those is not prioritizing myself. Not following through on the promises I make to myself knowing I’d never do that to someone else. I’m a people pleaser to everyone except myself. I will run myself on empty to make sure everyone else in my life is taken care of without thinking about refilling my own tank. I knew I needed the accountability to someone other than myself.
But life happened and I made all the excuses. Let’s face it, these were difficult changes and chapters in my life. It was a difficult couple of years for everyone. We are in post pandemic mentality. This was written when everyone was taking their alone time, slowing down their pace and working on self. We, as a society, phased out of that and it quickly swung into an extremely long, dark and isolating period for so many people. The world as we knew it changed quickly and no one was prepared for it. On top of that, I started having physical health problems while watching my mom slowly lose her battle with Alzheimer’s. April 2022 ended with losing my mom and having my own surgery with complications. To say I was worn out would be an understatement.
But it doesn’t change the fact that this is what I always do. Always. Without all of the chaos of the last two years, this is my norm. I find excuses. Even when I was telling myself maybe I could handle the unchangeable situations around me a little better if I’d get my mind and health right. Maybe I’d be a little more patient when I felt like life was falling apart if I’d focus more on sleep and meditation. Maybe I’d not feel so overwhelmed if I wasn’t also dealing with my physical health being at its worst. I still struggled to pull it together.
Story of my life. Story of so many that I cross paths with. Life gets in the way and we let it deter us from our goals. I’m not saying I did nothing, that would be a lie.
I went to 8 different doctors. Trying to find answers. Some I got, some I’m still waiting. I still have issues and episodes which no one can seem to explain. That is, in and of itself, exhausting. To know and feel like something is wrong. To take action and go to doctor upon doctor and be told everything looks fine. When you know your body and you know everything is not fine. Trying to stay motivated and not give up on finding answers.
I joined a gym. I started moving my body everyday. Whether the gym, workout video at home or an hour walk around the neighborhood. I started wearing my Fitbit to keep check of vitals, but also make sure I get the steps and water in everyday.
I tried multiple weight loss options. From WW to a clinic with weekly check ins. I adjusted my diet and then adjusted it again and again. The weight just stays while the doctors tell me I’m overweight and should work on diet and exercise (knowing that’s all I’ve been doing).
But this wellness journey wasn’t just about losing weight. It never was. Living with a mental health diagnosis means your always trying to stay in a good headspace as well. That’s not so easy after the last few years.
In the last 6 weeks, I have been making some changes. It was all prior to seeing this Facebook memory. It’s why I find it funny today. I made the jump back into therapy after a very long break. I felt like a refresher was necessary. I have changed my eating habits to get rid of the diet mentality. I decided to just make my best effort to eat clean 80% of the time but not deprive myself if I have a craving. Water water water water. Can I say that enough? That’s my main focus during the day. Staying hydrated. I’ve tried cutting out most other drinks (except coffee of course lol). Even started making switches to non toxic household and beauty products.
I’m making the small changes and hoping to see a lasting change come from it. Sometimes our world is overwhelming and then we take on huge changes that just add to our stress and it’s not maintainable that way. Not for me anyway. And if life altering changes all at once isn’t maintainable for you either…then know you’re not alone.
So….here’s to starting over. Maybe we’ll try blogging this journey again and hoping in two years I have a much different story to tell.